life is so screwed up. and i'm sad. and i feel like crying. my studies are so screwed up. everything is so screwed up. my studies. squash. everything.

i'm on the verge of failing everything. geography. history. maths. my chinese grades are dropping. i have problems coping with all the subjects. and my mum isn't happy with me. i put squash over my studies. and my grades are dropping. and i don't study. i slack throughout the whole year. and my mum isn't happy. she threatened to transfer me out. and i seriously do not know what to do.

i missed maths and science lesson during the nationals. almost all. and i don't understand a single thing the maths teacher says. my mind just went completely blank during maths lesson. and i took down notes and answers which i don't understand. i don't know how the teacher arrive at the answer. i don't know what to do. and i have been getting 0 for accuracy since start of the year. and i've been learning everything by myself now. it's tough. and science. my head becomes twice as big during science lesson. and i don't know what are isotopes physical and chemical properties. i don't know how to calculate the atomic mass of a molecule. i missed a lot of lessons. and i'm teaching myself ionic and covalent bondings.

and my history nowadays have been so consistent that i keep getting 5 for all my tests and assignments. i really don't know how to face my mother when i got back my report book. my history grades will be 50%. it seemed that no matter how much i study, i still can't score well and my mind just went completely blank when i do my tests. i really don't know what i can do. i tried to explain but failed. i feel that i have explained enough but in fact it's vague. what can i do?

and squash. my accuracy is decreasing. i tried to hit forehand correctly but i failed. and i don't dare to hit against the wall cos i'm scared that the racket will break. and my shots aren't hard enough cos i keep hitting the frame. and i can't run. and my stamina is bad. i seriously do not know what to do.

i feel like crying. i'm on the verge of tears. my mum's health isn't that good and the only thing i can do now is to get better results so she don't have to worry that much. but i can't even do such a simple thing. i'm such a failure.

i cried. but this does not solve the problem. life is so screwed up. i feel like dying.

-chen"-