life is screwed up. especially this term. i failed my maths test like dunno what. my mark is still a failing mark if the test is upon 40. and i'm so careless for my test. let me give some examples:

- 2*4=16 *wow*
- (a3[cube])2[square]=a5 *oh wow*
- (x+1)/(y+1)=x/y (i read and copied the question wrongly)
- -9-8=-18 *HAHAHA*

ah wells. these are just some examples. ryu has prepared tissue for me to cry and she promised if i cry, she will comfort me. i nearly cried. thanks to those who tried, but unsuccessfully, to cheer me up. nothing can cheer me up now. i seriously do not know how to tell my mum about my results. she will never forgive me. i can't tell her i missed lessons during the nationals. i can't tell her my results are partially due to the lessons i missed during the nationals. she will transfer me out. she said she will change my cca when my studies aren't up to standard. i didn't tell her my chinese mark. it's way too low than what she had expected. i have yet to tell her my science mark. but my science mark is ok. and i can never tell her about my maths marks. i really pity my parents for having such a bu zhong yong de child.

to _____. you always wrongly accuse me. you accuse me of things which i never do. and i do not like it. it's ok to hurt me physically. i don't mind any muscle ache or any injuries. 可是, 心一旦碎了, 用什么办法也不能挽救这个损失的 i do not like the way you treat me. like you are superior to me and you can ask me to do things whenever you wished. and i must follow what you told me to do. stop making me feel like i'm your puppet.

i hate this house. i hate this home. i hate this family. everyone ignores me. like i'm transparent. like i don't belong to this place. everytime i stepped into this place. everything around me turns cold. like i'm confined here. i dreaded this. i tried not to return to this place everyday. as much i delay this return, i still must come back. i can't avoid this place. i feel like running away. away from this cold place. away from all the tortures.

if only i wasn't brought to this world. all this pain won't happen to me. all these. everything. will never ever happen. and i won't be able to feel any pain. all these are hard to endure. it cuts me like a knife. i'm not numb to this anymore. i feel this even more. i hate this.

when reality comes crashing down on you