i hate chinese! like can you believe it? yes i've once hated chinese in p4, causing the great plunge in my chinese grades. i decided to gai guo zi xing and start to learn and like chinese ever since. so what really happened? i don't know. i loved chinese lessons in sec1 cos it's a so called homework period for me since liu yong feng doesn't care. in sec 2, ZLS made the whole lesson fun and lively (though it gets boring sometimes). i've enjoyed all my chinese lessons so far. but, do i really like chinese? i don't know what made me hate chinese all of a sudden. it's like in some point of time in my life, i just got sick and tired of my mother tongue. the lessons by zheng xiu qing really gets onto my nerves. first, she lets us crashed all our compos and demanded us to finish it by the end of the lesson. secondly, she has terrible attitude and teaching method that really made me hate her like hell. what's wrong with putting my homework ring file on the table during her lessons, and having the chinese worksheet on top of every other thing else? thirdly, i failed my lijiewenda terribly and she sucks at explaining corrections to us. she simply just told us all the model answers. yea i can teach in this way. everyone can be a teacher now. i just don't know what is she thinking. if she deliberating wants everyone in BSP to fail chinese, go ahead. and i just can't accept the fact that the whole class had failed our lijiewenda. moreover, i've never knew that if we copy straight from the text, we get nil, zero, nada marks. thanks a lot. and freaking hell, how on earth can we get exactly the same bloody thing as the model answer? think again. who's really is the one who is square and unable to think out of the box? and lastly, i hate her voice.
well. failing is one thing. failing my best and favourite subject is another thing. my chinese had started to go downslope ever since that bloody zhongqiujie compo last year. that failing compo didn't really affect me since i loved that compo a lot. but this time round is another side of the story. first i did very badly for my first tuo wu yan zhi compo. i expected it. lucky there is this second tuowu compo and yingyongwen to cheer me up. and now i failed like compre. it's just like going on a rollercoaster, expecting ups and downs all of a sudden. it's not like failing is the only thing that made me cried. it's the stress and expectations from my mother and everyone else. i'm a chinese. it's almost like common sense that i should ace all my chinese stuffs. but can't everyone just think from my stand? i'm not someone especially special. just because i'm a chinese, it doesn't mean that i have to ace everything related to chinese. i failed my compre. i had nothing to say. i am sad. it's not acceptable i know. but do you think i'm happy at failing? do you think i want to fail it? chinese was my scoring subject. ironically, it pulled down my grade last year. i really do not want to think about it. this never ending chain of expectations and stress is just making me going more and more depressed. like you, i really want to do well. but the point is, i couldn't do it. i'm losing my faith now. i really just want to stop here at this point of time in my life, and get ramped over by a car. i just want everything to end here. i hate this kind of life.
i really hate this place, this class, and this school. if only i've never entered nanyang. if only i had went to my dream school. if all these didn't happen, my parents will not have to pay for the huge sum of school fees, misc fee etc. and this whole bloody school just keep collecting money like they owe loansharks million of dollars. walkathon, fun fair. bloody hell. if the sch lacks money, then stop keeping the lights on andmaking the school appear to be an integrated resort every night. freaking hell. i really don't know what to do. i felt sorry for my parents. they are just paying money to see their daughter fail and get kicked out of IP. sorry. i'm really regretful of the choice i had taken 3 years ago. i don't want to take up tuition. this will only add to their burden. they told me they will work and pay for my school fees. they claimed that it's affordable. but somehow, i know they are working late into the nights and trying hard just to get my school fees paid. i owed them a lot. sorry.
and i can never get better in squash. it just felt like i'm just staying at this stage and standard forever, unable to improve and explore new grounds. i really shouldn't be here afterall. sorry.
wow. ok apparently that's a lot. zb camp was fun. xD yea friday will be RG friendlies. jiayou! i hope i will play well. xD
JIAYOU! come on chen, jiayou and cheer up! stop the tears! xD