ROAR! i want to scream out loud!

I WANT TO PLAY SQUASH! I WANT TO RUN! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO WALK PROPERLY!

i want to do so many things. yet, i can't.

when 308 is running 2.4km, i felt so motivated to run! i had the chong dong to hop into the group and run with them. when i see miaoran and gang running (and dying), i felt like jogging by their side and encourage them to push on, and not stop. when i saw suxiang and sunying walking the last round, i felt like running the last round just for them. AHH! so many, so many things i want to do! but i cannot.

so what happened? i started sulking and whining all day. I WANT TO RUN!!! even if i cannot play squash, JUST LET ME RUN!! if i cannot run, AT LEAST LET ME WALK PROPERLY! argh. never in my life had i felt so motivated and passionate about running. AND I WANT TO HOLD THE SQUASH RACKET ONE MORE TIME. my mum had kindly confiscated my racket, hiding it in some dark, cold corners in the house/car/office just in case i suddenly grabbed the racket and chiong to the squash court to play. my poor racket is rotting away. I WANT TO HOLD THE RACKET!! it's been 6 days since i last had contact with my lovely hyperhammer 110. 6 LONG DAYS.

how ironic. when i had no major injuries, i was kind of slacked during training and did not appreciate it as much. it seemed that training is just another jia chang bian fan for me. but now, when i can't train, i felt so so so much to train. i wanted to train very very very badly.

ren wang wang zai shi qu hou, cai dong de zhen xi.

oh ya. one more depressing thing on my list. i am going to the doctor tomorrow to extend my MC. MY ANKLE IS STILL BLOODY SWOLLEN LA! it seemed that the swell had not gone down a single bit. but it's it less painful now. at least i could sleep in peace now. i think the swell is getting worse. 6 days and it is still swollen. it's still like a pig's ankle! fat and ugly. ya and there is big lump there (the swell). AND AND AND! something happened yesterday! i discovered blood clot below my swollen ankle. AHH! it's like one line of blood clot. ya. going to consult the doctor tomorrow. two things on my list- get more painkillers and extent MC.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO EXTEND MY MC! extend MC= another week of no running, no training, no squash, no PE, and basically no physical activities. AHH. my ankle is driving me crazy. the sprains i had before were all rather minor sprains. they either de-swell after i put ice on it, or heal within 3 or 4 days. but this time, i think it's quite serious. the swell got bigger (or remained the same) after i put ice, and it still has not gone down after 6 days! why why why?

and please la! i don't want to get my ankle sprained ok! and i did not sprain my ankle on purpose just to skip NAPFA ok! no one will ever sprain their ankles on purpose. it will just become looser and easier to sprain next time. why would anyone do that la! i would rather run 2.4 and do NAPFA now, when my fitness level is still relatively high (after those 400 court run/60 court sprints.) you all don't zai wo de shang kou shang sa yan le la! will only make me more and more depressed. and don't say sprain ankle is a nice thing ok! you all will never know the pain and torture i'm going through now. I FEEL LIKE DYING LA!

squasher unable to play squash/run = human not eating. sports people cannot do sports = mei you jing sheng zhi zu. WILL DIE ONE OK! and vanda! don't smack me already le la! it's very tong ku already ok! one week of no training. :'(

everyone is training now and i'm slacking at home. AHHH! i feel so... slack.

NA MAN AH...

DEAR ANKLE, please heal faster! i've dedicated ONE ENTIRE POST (not exactly one entire la) for you ok! better heal faster. I WANT TO GO INTO THE COURTS AND PLAYYY!

JIAYOU!