It's contradicting, isn't it? When you know the right things to do, yet rejecting them in a moment of unexplained rebel. Someday down the path, you regret the unfulfilled. You could have deserved so much better, be in a better situation, and even be a better person. Yet, with all these understanding, you remain stubborn.
The unknown, you think about them all the time. They scare you. Happy moments wipe them off momentarily, but they come back, haunting you even in your deepest dreams. But are they your deepest fears?
What is right and what is not? Which is the right way and which is not? What is the right lifestyle and what is not? You push all the blames on the intangibles. They are not for you, this is not what you want, you don't deserve this, and you end up with nothing. What you don't know, is that you always have the choice. But you're blinded by all your pathetic insecurities.
The intangibles. All the arguments, the unhappiness, the fears, the insecurities; they lead to nowhere but a spiral downhill.